#standard lenses
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tip: you can fix any boring canon couple by making them t4t ❤️💜
#nic art#naruto#sakura haruno#sasuke uchiha#sasusaku#naruto fanart#transfem sasuke is a given (new name optional)#sakura is either a trans guy (name kept the same)#or some kind of genderqueer butch#t4t couple#only thing orochimaru was good for#i'm still putting together how gender works in narutoverse#divorced from authorial intent and/or his biases#like -- tsunade was the first female kage but it wasn't a Win For Feminism#it just seems that kishi didn't think too much about past kages outside konoha#the problem is i am really uninformed about japanese cultural context#(like many other fans tbh)#so i can't be claiming to “fix” nrt by applying own standards. western lenses too stronge#but nevermind all that. enjoy my sasusaku sketch <3
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i be catching myself in the store putting my hands behind my head like this.
#ghost stories voice: leave me alone i'm doing my standard anime elbows up pose#i am one pair of brown contact lenses away from chilchuck tims. know this.#.txt
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kabru as a pwnpd headcanon is genuinely so iconic that man rlly is odysseus' hubristic tendencies made manifest tbh . . .
#/silly#i love projecting my own npd to him but like he was born cluster beautiful personality disorder#the way he kind of has an ''off'' switch when he can just#turn off both rationality and like gets driven only by pure instinct as a survival response#it's genuinely fascinating#sash talks#dunmeshi#kabru of utaya#genuinely . npd and dp/dr and ocd coding with him is strong.#like everyone knows hes gotta be autistic#but like his whole flavor of ptsd and childhood trauma specifically#makes him so complex . in terms of personality disorderism.#like ppl talk abt how he ' metagames ' social interaction sm because he thinks if he can do it in that lense#it'd be easier for him#genuinely anthropology / sociology special interest#the stims / gesturing#but he also reminds me a lot of like. reigen arataka who def has autism + adhd + npd#where he like . puts ppl on a certain standard / criteria that he judges#the way he's so prideful of his ability to judge other ppl.#and the way he crashes and goes back and forth when he learns he's wrong#the way his disappointment drives him to compromise#the way he's like. that#he's so npd coded it drives me crazy that only a couple ppl mention it#even though it serves as like a great point of comparison#to laios' sometimes self-centered yet low self-esteem !#and to mithrun with his npd and his current lack of drive due to the (redacted) 3#like !! this man ( kabru ) is genuinely so full of . neuroses#npd + autism + ocd + gemini (lol) + osdd possibly (dissociative disorders in general) + bpd#he could even have aspd or hpd swag but i can't say much on that#unless i get peer reviewed by the fellow cluster b with aspd or hpd ahaha
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It feels like every day I read attempts to debunk the social model of disability that fundamentally misunderstand what the social model of disability is and who the people who developed that model were, including what the nature of their disabilities was, and I want to scream.
But I don't, because yelling at people on the internet is basically pointless. Instead I check to see that I'm not mutuals with whoever reblogged said misunderstanding and vague about it.
#'but [x impairment] would still exist and have [y implications] even if the world were completely accessible!'#okay well yeah but equating impairment and disability is explicitly the opposite of the social model of disability#the union of the *physically impaired* against segregation who developed this model#*were* by and large privileged in ways many other disabled people are not‚ yes#mike oliver who wrote the fucking book on the social model of disability#(social work with disabled people‚ published in 1983)#was a white man with a phd who pioneered an academic field‚ for one#and there *are* criticisms about the limitations to a purely social model of disability to be made#but like... our pal mike oliver was also a wheelchair user who broke his neck in a swimming accident as a teenager#which caused paralysis that affected his upper and lower body#not a clueless 'physically abled' autistic who didn't understand how physical limitations work#he lived the first 17 years of his life as a physically abled person#so I think he was aware of the difference between what his body could do before and after his accident#and like 'disability is socially constructed'#is not saying that differences between people and what they are able to do or do easily do not exist??#my eyesight is so bad that if I could not access corrective lenses I would be functionally blind#and even with glasses my myopia and astigmatism cause a lot of tangible effects on my body#e.g. migraines‚ eyestrain‚ so many floaters that even looking through pristine glasses is like the lenses are scratched to hell#but my eyesight is not considered a disability#because the accommodations that enable me to participate in society fully in this area are so standard as to be invisible#can I magically see without corrective lenses? no#does wearing glasses not being considered a disability mean that I do not get migraines and eyestrain? no#so the arguments the thing I am vaguing are trying to debunk are not what is being argued!#well seems like I screamed about it after all#oh well
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I caved & watched a piece of live action with sis. A piece because, honest to Nika, I couldn't handle more.
Lemme just say... I honestly don't understand what people praise here. Maybe I simply don't have comparison to other live actions or netflix shows in general (I tried The Witcher and Stranger Things and both became boring to me in their early stages) but hhhh why do they act like plastic action figures, throwing "funny" one-liners, jumping chaotically around, and overall seem more marvelesque than an adaptation of One Piece?
And why they don't act like... Like them. Why Zoro behaves like wanna be slavic hooligan, he even walks like one, oh my god, I swear, I run into guys like this on my way for groceries. I thought Luffy will be my biggest problem but nah, one look at Zoro quickly set me in understanding that Luffy is not the worst that can happen to my faves.
Why the camera man has adhd. The camerawork at times made me feel dizzy. At times I couldn't even follow what was going on.
Also.
How can I erase that Targaryen Helmeppo naked scene from my memory. Please. Please.
#she's still watching but by the grave silence broken only by some groans and 'what the fucks' I judge she's not having great time#anyway now I know it wasn't the case of bad trailers#this thing just looks like this hhhh#and yknow what's imho the worst about it?#it's painfully mediocre#painfully safe#painfully idk westwashed?#idk how to call it but it's heavily ran through the western lense#and kinda forcefully pushed into 'standard'#it's what I hear about a lot of netflix and netflix-adjacent shows#that they are cut into perfect mediocre#with rare pearls appearing here and there#anyway... it's not bad enough to watch it ironically#and not good enough to turn brain off#the thing what I love about OP is how it takes the cliches and expectations#and throws them upside down#aside from good writing OP is just straight up......well: looney#live action just IS just exists#I really have a feeling (also after reading other opinions from critical to enthusiastic ones)#that the appeal doesn't lie in the OPLA itself#but the that fact it's - unlike other western live actions - decently made#surprised everyone so much that most of them assesses it as above expectations#but cmon...the bar is so low it licks the ground#bas mumbles
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the struggle to not pathologize every minor variation in the human experience when learning things you never gave any thought to are actually symptoms
#of course i see double when i relax my eyes; if i'm not focusing on anything why should anything be in focus right ahahahaha#prism lenses update is i decided my optometrist probably gets some kickback for selling the fancy brand#and my eyes are probably not that special#so i purchased some cheap standard prism lense glasses and we'll see if those make a difference when they come in#i'll consult the neuro-opthalmologist when i finally get in for my appt though
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for the love of god as someone who has studied international humanitarian law for the last 5 years. I BEG of you, naruto fandom, to stop throwing around words like war crimes and genocide like it means nothing. and PLEASE stop directly applying real world standards onto the systems created in the Naruto universe. I'm not saying don't compare them at all, but please recognise that the Naruto universe very much have their own established systems with their own laws and standards that are not a perfect parallel to our world. and it's for this reason that you cannot hold the Naruto universe to the same standards you hold in the real world.
criticism and comparisons are good, absolutely, but recognise that there are different standards, particularly when it comes to morality, that are established in-universe. and finally, PLEASE understand that some of the things you argue in absolutes are things that continue to be debated even in the real world in the first place! some of the standards and morals that you hold the Naruto universe to aren't even fully agreed on in real life. please just recognise all these nuances and differences when you want to make a meta about the Shinobi system by applying real world standards.
keep writing up metas about the Shinobi world and keep comparing it to the real world and critiquing and analysing and dismantling what it is. but please just be a bit more careful and nuanced when you directly critique and interpret naruto using real world standards and logic. it is important to acknowledge that there are different lenses you can view media through, and that our morals and standards just happen to be one lens. it is far more interesting anyway to critique and find fault with the shinobi system through its own logic and by following its own universe's rule.
#OBVIOUSLY im not saying comparisons are not allowed#or that just because something is true in-universe that it must be accepted#like the shinobi system is extremely flawed and very very interesting to critique and analyse#but just. be careful when making such criticisms#you need to look at it in different lenses#and acknowledge that its a different world and system from our own#the arguments become far more interesting anyway when you dismantle their system with their own in-universe laws morals and logic#most of all im just so so so sick of seeing wild takes#concerning war crimes genocide child soldiers fascism etc#as an international law student... im so tired#please spare my sanity a little#its like when history teachers tell you not to apply present standards of morality onto historical events and actions#its the exact same thing#the hague convention doesnt exist in the naruto universe how the fuck can any of our war crimes apply to them#“its based on imperial japan” guess what the hague convention didnt exist then either#im so tired#rant#nart#naruto#naruto fandom#meta#anyway contrary to all the above i actually greatly enjoy reading any meta and posts diving into naruto politics and morals#its because such topics interests me so much that i feel so strongly about things like this
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Some ramblings and thoughts on Octavinelle ch1.
I think Jade finds the MC very attractive in a non-conventional way. He finds Yuuta unique and interesting, even though Yuuta would most likely be considered an ordinary, even uninteresting, person in his own world.
Size had never really mattered to Jade. Even when he met Azul, he thinks Azul 'looks different', but different not in the sense that 'he looks funny' but more like 'he's different from me, different from everyone else, I've never really seen someone like him'.
Part of the reason why is that Jade essentially came from the depths of the ocean. In the ocean, at a depth of 300 meters, life starts to become more scant. Fishes in deeper parts of the ocean are mostly inactive and passive except when they had to hunt. Jade definitely came from a place deeper than a mere 300 meters and as a carnivore who's adapted to life in a place where food is scarce (which he also mentioned in canon), they eat at a very small frequency of one to three times a week. The rest of the time is spent curling up in coves or generally just wandering around aimlessly until his hunger instincts strike again. This means that for most of Jade's life in the depths, he sees and interacts with literally no one except for Floyd and his parents. It doesn't help that Jade's favourite attacks tend to be an ambush attack, to strike only at the most crucial time, resulting in, more often than not, instant death of his prey. This leaves very little opportunity for him to even interact with his prey, though there are times when Jade might toy around with them before delivering the final kill. It's not enough for him to learn about them. Leading an isolated life in the ocean allowed him very little exposure to not only surfacers, but also among his own peers.
It's pretty obvious that when Jade came to the surface, he was still just plainly non-human in more ways than one. He's literally just a wild animal wearing human skin, he's unfamiliar with the most basic living necessities on the surface and unable to blend into human society.
One other reason that makes him interested in Yuuta is that Jade has the opposite problem of Azul. He doesn't get gain weight or get bigger even though he eats plenty and rarely exercises. He's been stuck in a slim and slender form for most of his life, and since the Coral Sea's general population seems to perceive being fat as a negative trait, that makes him curious about Yuuta who is happy with his body as he is. It's the same curiosity as a cat who saw something strange showing up in a place they're familiar with. Though Jade might actually reach out and touch him whenever.
#𖦹 ⋆꙳ ⁄ ooc.#// im sorry I keep talking about octa yuu but MCs are always expected to be op/the bearer of all things/the conventional hot and pretty#// I am extremely happy that we just get a Normal Guy (tm) for Octa's MC.#// The truth is Yuuta is really just a Normal Guy (tm); and while for 'anime' standards he's considered banal or 'fat' it has the opposite#// effect on me because A LOT OF PEOPLE LOOK AT YUUTA INRL lbr definitely more than being the only one in an entire school#// Yuuta should be 'normal' yet in the media world he's 'special' when he's just your typical ordinary delivery guy#// and by being 'not special' through media lenses#// he is very special to me; if that makes sense at all looool#// we need more mcs who are just normal not and there to vibe and enjoy life; and you can rlly tell when#// the writer tries so hard to make them the most unique character in the series which sadly is like 9.9/10 of the shouen animes out there
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I genuinely think white women in particular are so hung up on "ugliness" being revolutionary instead of realizing ugliness is a construct because despite how some of them do have features that society will attack them as ugly for, they don't want to give thought to how the construct of ugliness effects people outside of them, particularly woc. It's like a lesser example of how they get hung up about misogyny ONLY without putting thought into how misogyny intersects with other forms of opression like racism (which gives us shit like misogynoir), transphobia (which gives us transmisogyn), etc and how they benefit from whiteness.
The goal shouldn't be to "embrace" ugliness, it should be to eradicate the idea that anything and anyone under the yoke of eurocentric beauty standards (these standards being: hairless/little body hair, thinnes, whiteness, etc) were NEVER ugly to begin with. But like its unsurprising to me as a woc that this flies over your heads. And it's such a shame because, given that by eradicating the made up bullshit that is ugliness, even you will benefit from its eradication.
#and then like dont get me starded on how little understanding yall give#to woc and trans women who embrace feminity in what would be perceived as within 'beauty standards'#like youve made so many of us and them not feel pretty and even labeles us as masculine#but get mad when many of us form our own feminity outside a white lense#WIIIILLDD
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Keeping the tags because they're so important. Also, reading this made me realize now why it was so easy for Breaking Bad fans to pin down Skyler White as the villain of the show.
male gaze is not 'when person look sexy' or 'when misogynist make film'
death of the author is not 'miku wrote this'
I don't think you have to read either essay to grasp the basic concepts
death of the author means that once a work is complete, what the author believes it to mean is irrelevant to critical analysis of what's in the text. it means when analysing the meaning of a text you prioritise reader interpretation above author intention, and that an interpretation can hold valid meaning even if it's utterly unintentional on the part of the person who created the thing. it doesn't mean 'i can ignore that the person who made this is a bigot' - it may in fact often mean 'this piece of art holds a lot of bigoted meanings that the author probably wasn't intentionally trying to convey but did anyway, and it's worth addressing that on its own terms regardless of whether the author recognises it's there.' it's important to understand because most artists are not consciously and vocally aware of all the possible meanings of their art, and because art is communal and interpretive. and because what somebody thinks they mean, what you think somebody means, and what a text is saying to you are three entirely different things and it's important to be able to tell the difference.
male gaze is a cinematographic theory on how films construct subjectivity (ie who you identify with and who you look at). it argues that film language assumes that the watcher is a (cis straight white hegemonically normative) man, and treats men as relatable subjects and women as unknowable objects - men as people with interior lives and women as things to be looked at or interacted with but not related to. this includes sexual objectification and voyeurism, but it doesn't mean 'finding a lady sexy' or 'looking with a sexual lens', it means the ways in which visual languages strip women of interiority and encourage us to understand only men as relatable people. it's important to understand this because not all related gaze theories are sexual in nature and if you can't get a grip on male gaze beyond 'sexual imagery', you're really going to struggle with concepts of white or abled or cis subjectivities.
#👆 male gaze in its intended menaing is sooo useful to explain why some movies just inherently dont appeal to me#its not just women being sexualized or whatever its women being treated inherently in the lense of being secondary#the male characters will embody the caleidoscope of the author's feelings and personality but the women#will always be reduced to 'people in the authors life' ie girlfriends mothers etc#and even if they are written with a lot of story or complexity the specter of being inherent side characters looms above them#its inherently not about them#they are people the author only knows and infers about what he can gleam from the surface#and i think it is the most apparent not in action stuff (where the men will also often be surface level characters)#but rather in those deep character study media#where men will be people but women will always be someones wife or girlfriend or mother#because the author cannot conceptualize them as anything other than 'that person in my life'#anyways thats why i love grrm and asoiaf because he actually tries to see them as characters of their own merit#raised my standards in media so hard#brienne getting meandering solo chapters and catelyn getting chapters while robb is a non pov etc etc#they still interact with men and may do so prominently and centrally but theyre still people#with perosnalities#im also so sick of media that can only conceptualize female characters as 'non men'#meaning they will only get storylines that they cannot do with (cis) men aka fetishistic motherhood and pregnancy stories#similar with gay trans poc etc#authors feel they need to justify not making them white cishet men so their story needs to be#about what you can do with these identities that the cishet white man cant#discrimination and hatecrime etc stories#media
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isn’t it abusive to hit someone with a chair?
ok allow me to teach u smth. fiction and reality are not 1:1 and what is bad in the real world can be used as a device in fiction to show smth abt the characters in the media. for instance, while in the real world it would be considered wrong to hit someone w a chair, in a fictional world where ur best friend has trapped you in a loop where you have to watch everyone u love die and kill u over and over and u have discovered that they were the one that did it to u bc u abandon her when u go to boarding school together and she hates boarding school and she is punching u in the face and calling u a liar as u jump into different parallel universes between fighting u may pick up a chair and hit her over the head while telling her ur only dream was to be together and that meant going to boarding school together bc that is also ur dream as a way of showing the audience that u r angry at her too. it may also be that violence is extremely normalized in this show and hitting someone over the head w a chair during a fight that is meant to convey a large amount of emotion may be one of the lightest forms of violence depicted in the media. it may ALSO be that these two characters will perhaps spend the next 20 mins trying to kill each other permanently and find they cannot do it as a testament of showing that despite everything they love each other and all they wanted was to be together & they should have just talked to each other in the first place instead of ending up at this point. so in conclusion, not when she did it ❤️
#when will ppl stop applying real life standards to media that is clearly exaggerating smth to show a point 😩#like yes if u look at it thru a real world lense the whole thing is terrible. however. it is not meant to be viewed that way.#what i’m saying is that if this fight was adapted to real life it would not involve violence but it does by nature of the media it’s in#this is why ppl try to be like lena is abusive for putting kara in kryptonite blah blah. it is STORYTELLING.#anonymous#ask //
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Beyond Standard Lenses: Essilor's Specialty Lens Options for Different Needs
When it comes to eyeglasses, Essilor's specialty lens options go beyond the standard, catering to diverse visual needs with precision and expertise.
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The Alchemy vol. I
jason todd x fem!reader
aka the progression of your relationship with the red hood
vol II
warnings: slow burn, mentions of attempted sa for reader, depictions of blood and injury, mentions of standard gotham violence
Dear fuck, he’s as heavy as he looks.
You use all of your weight to pull him backwards towards the couch, almost giving up when you realized you’d have to lift him up off the ground to actually get on it.
Getting him through the window was enough of a hassle, challenging the difficulty of the decision to bring him in here at all.
Thankfully you don’t have to think too hard on it because you feel his body stiffen up suddenly. He jolts upright, though clearly pained to do so, hand flying to the gun holster on his side.
You take a step back, hands out in front of you. “Hey, it’s alright.”
“Who are you?” His voice is interrogative.
You put your hands down, “You’re the one who passed out on my balcony, I think if anyone gets to ask that question it’s me.”
He stares at you, white lenses bearing into your soul.
Okay, yeah. You tell him your name. He doesn’t move. “You just looked like you needed some help..”
His posture loosens a bit, and his hand finally leaves the holster.
He glances down at his abdomen, a sizable tear in his suit and a nearly alarming amount of blood. “You got any bandages?”
“Uh, I—yeah, yeah, I do.” You dart down the hall into the bathroom, shuffling through your first aid kid. You toss a few wraps into your arms, along with some antiseptic spray you suspect he’ll need. You grab your hand towel and get it wet under warm water.
When you return, he’s moved himself onto the sofa, lifting his shirt up to assess the damage. You round the couch, seeing more blood than you’d have hoped for.
“Can I?” You ask, motioning to his injury.
He looks up at you for a long moment. He nods.
You kneel down in front of him and replace his hand in lifting up the shirt. It’s a cut, it doesn’t look terribly deep, but still not shallow enough that he could just leave it.
You take the rag and dab it around the wound, trying to clean up the blood as much as possible without making contact with it.
He’s very still as you work, and you get the strong impression he’s watching you carefully.
You grab the antiseptic spray, shaking it. “This’ll sting.”
He grunts.
You apply the antiseptic thoroughly and he doesn’t even flinch. Doesn’t move his gaze from you for a second.
You unwrap one of the bandages and place it on firmly, making sure there’s no bleedthrough.
And not that you particularly want to be thinking about this right now, but the man is noticeably ripped. Stacked like a house of cards.
You rip away your gaze and stand up, hands on your hips, taking a deep breath. You look at him—at his helmet.
You don’t know how you can tell, but he’s studying you. Trying to get a read on you, maybe. Regardless, you’re eager to escape the gaze.
You shovel the remainder of your supplies back into your arms and bring them back to the bathroom, calling out, “I didn’t take off your helmet, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
There’s a short beat.
“Do I seem like someone that worries often?”
You peek your head out of the bathroom door.
You look at him. “You seem like someone that doesn’t worry enough.”
He snorts. “You’re not far off.”
You make your way back once you’re done, looking at the disregarded meal you’d been interrupted from. “I have pasta if you…eat.”
“I do.”
“I can go in the other room if you—”
He clicks the lock on his helmet, taking it off. He’s left with a second mask underneath, covering his eyes and nose. His dark hair sticks up from the helmet, a white streak poking out in the front. He looks younger than you would’ve expected. Cuter, if his jaw is anything to go by.
“Don’t worry about it.”
Okay then.
You grab a second plate out of the cabinet and scoop on the rest of the pasta from the pan.
You hand him the plate, avoiding standing too close.
“Thanks, sweetheart.”
You turn back around as casually as possible after hearing the name, wanting to avoid letting your face give anything away.
This guy kills people, right?
You sit down in the armchair across from the couch, spooling the pasta on and off the fork. He doesn’t show the same hesitation in dining away that you do—you guess fighting crime would require some calorie exchange.
“You a nurse?” He asks after a few minutes.
The question takes you by surprise. You hadn’t taken him as a small talk kind of person. “Huh? Oh, no, I’ve just taken a few first aid courses and stuff.”
He gives a short hum, thoughtful.
“What?”
“You’re good.” Hardly.
“I didn’t really do anything.”
“You did enough.” He says, not leaving much room for argument.
He stands up at once, walking past you to the kitchen. Your gaze follows him silently. He puts his empty plate in the sink and returns to the edge of the living room.
He looks at you once more and pops his helmet back on followed by the click of the lock.
“I’ll see ya.” He says shortly, before ducking out the window.
You’re left alone, sitting in your armchair, plate of cold pasta forgotten on your lap.
That could’ve gone very badly. Maybe not your most thought-through decision to literally drag the Red Hood into your apartment, but hey. Maybe you’re exercising your ability to be an upstanding, helpful person. Or maybe you were just hoping to prevent a vigilante being found dead on your fire escape.
Regardless, you close the window after him, leaving it unlocked. Just in case.
You wake in the middle of the night to the sounds of footsteps in your living room. You shoot upright, immediately spotting the lamp light flooding in from under your door.
Creeping to a stand, you grab the baseball bat next to your bed and slowly walk to the door.
You creep the door open as quietly as possible, inching out half a step at a time. A nearby creak on your floorboards had you swinging blindly, only to have your bat get stopped midair. You look up to see Mr. Hood himself, blocking the blow of your hit with his hand.
“Wow. You and a bat against Gotham, huh, sweetheart?”
“Fuck!” You let go of the bat and drown your face in your hands. “What is wrong with you?”
“Apparently that I don’t carry enough baseball bats with me.” He says coolly, inspecting your bat. Though he’s got to admit, your bat is probably a hell of a lot more useful than his.
You drop your arms at your side. “If I’d known bringing you into my apartment one time was going to be considered a free pass forever, I might’ve thought twice.”
“If I’d known I was going to nearly be concussed with a baseball bat, I might’ve too.” Barely. If you’re being honest with yourself, you’re still half asleep and it was not a very good swing.
He looks at you straight on for the first time. His helmet quickly drifts down and back up to your face just as fast.
You look down. T-Shirt, underwear, and…no that’s it. Not…ideal. You pull down on the unfortunately not at all oversized shirt, wanting to creep back into your room.
He turns his back, allowing you to do just that and scramble for some shorts to throw on.
“Very gentlemanly of you.” You call out from your room, “And only thirty seconds after breaking into my apartment.”
“Okay, one, I’ve been here longer than that. In a non creepy way.”
“Right.”
“And two, I didn’t break anything. You live in the middle of Gotham and don’t lock your window?”
You reemerge in the doorway, “I live on the eighth floor.”
He turns around to face you again, helmet in his hands. “Didn’t stop me.” No it did not.
“Mm. So are you here specifically to judge my home security or was there something you needed?”
He takes a deep breath, “Actually yeah. I just need a place to rest for a minute.”
“Rest from what?”
A series of gunshots echo from down the street.
“Next question.”
Concise.
You and Hood sit on the couch in the dark, per his insistence, because for some godforsaken reason, you have no curtains. It takes a few minutes for the silence to dissipate into forced conversation, which takes a few more minutes to fade into actual conversation.
“Can I be honest with you?” You ask him.
“Does it matter how I answer?”
“I don’t understand how you’re not dead.” You poke your head up, turning to him. “Are you human?”
He cranes his neck to look out the window, “Maybe getting shot at isn’t the worst thing that could happen tonight…”
You roll your eyes with a smile that you’re glad is hidden by the darkness. “Oh, fuck off.”
“You don’t have much in terms of self-preservation skills, do you?”
You ignore him as to not acknowledge that he’s probably right and roll through to your next curiosity, “Who the hell was shooting at you anyways?” Though, you don’t really expect an answer.
He shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter. They got ‘til sunrise anyway.”
You tilt your head, “‘Til sunri—” oh. Yeah. Come to think of it, he does have two guns on him right now. At least that you can see. You squint blankly at the wall, “You know, I’m placing a lot of trust in the hope that you’re not just as bad as those guys.”
“Yes you are.” He nods, not doing anything to convince you that he is in fact a good guy. He hasn’t tried to harm you in any way though, so you guess that’s a good sign.
You tilt your head at him. “Do you get paid to do this?”
“I’m pretty sure there’s a lot of people who would pay me not to do this.”
You nod solemnly, mouth turned into an exaggerated frown. “So you have a day job?”
He looks over at you, “Do you always ask this many questions?”
“Are you always so dodgy about answering them?” You shoot back. If you’d thought for .5 seconds longer on that, you might not have said anything. But you feel comfortable here, in your apartment with a man whose face you’ve never seen, name you don’t know, and always has at least two loaded guns on him.
He huffs out a laugh, “Yeah. I am.” He looks over at you. “You live here by yourself?”
You look around at the empty apartment before turning back to him, “Seems that way.”
He shrugs, “Boyfriend could be out or something.”
“Well most people are asleep at one in the morning. Like I was. Remember that?”
“No.”
You sigh, curling up into a ball on your end of the couch, resting your chin on your knees. You’re quiet for a minute before piping up, “Do people actually break into apartments on high floors a lot?”
“Stupid people.” He pauses, looking over at the frown on your face. “Look, I’m in the neighborhood a lot. If I see somebody climbing your fire escape I’ll shoot them.”
You let a little smile out, “I’m thinking there’s other steps you could take before you get to that point.”
“If you want to waste time.” His gaze doubles back at you, “That was a joke, by the way.”
You bark out a tired laugh, “Yeah, I picked up on that, thanks.”
He removes his eyes from you, fixing on a set of pictures you have hanging on the wall.
Your eyes flutter and you move to rest your head on the arm of the couch. “Is this going to be a regular thing then?”
“You could lock your window.”
“Living on the eighth floor didn’t stop you, I can’t imagine a shitty lock will do much more.”
“If you don’t want me here, I won’t be here.” He says gruffly.
“If I don’t want you here, I’ll let you know.” You mumble, eyes closing.
You can barely make out a laugh from him, “Good to know.”
You’re not quite sure how much time goes by when he leaves, but you have a pretty strong feeling you’d fallen asleep. Your main indicator was feeling the blanket draped nicely over you that you could’ve sworn was on the chair across the room.
Maybe it’s ten o’clock at night and you’re sat on your kitchen floor, bawling your eyes out. Maybe you’re going to have to quit your job. Or maybe you’ll have to face a lawsuit. Maybe this is the worst day in the history of time. Maybe it’s about to get worse.
The sound of your living room window sliding open has you startling into a rush, body panicking as if you’ve done something wrong and desperately need to cover the evidence. The past few weeks of sporadic visits leaves no question about who it is, and you just hope the kitchen island in front of you will be enough to convince Hood that you’re not in and he’ll leave.
But because today is today, that’s not how it goes down.
You can vaguely make out the sound of his footsteps approaching, a courtesy that you’re sure he incorporated on purpose.
“Oh fuck…” you mutter to yourself, wiping your eyes.
He rounds the counter, looking down at you. “Wha—what’s wrong?”
“Fuck. Nothing.” You say, standing up and adjusting your clothes. “Are you hurt?” He better fucking not be at only ten.
“No, I—why are you on the floor?”
You roll your eyes, “I live alone, forgive me for assuming I would be given the privilege to cry on the floor in private.”
“Did something happen?” You’re trying really hard not to call him an idiot.
You raise your eyebrows, giving a light nod. “Uh, yeah, I’d say so.”
He shifts in his stance, “Do I need to talk to someone?”
You scoff, knowing damn well his version of ‘talk to someone’ does not include talking to someone. “Why are you even here so early?”
“Wanted to stop by before I went out.” he says quietly.
You’re about to snap something at him again, but the burning in your eyes takes immediate priority. You wrap your arms around your middle and try to calm yourself down, with very little success. The tears fall easily and your shoulders start shaking as you look at the floor, letting the melancholy take over.
It feels like much longer than it probably was, but sometime after the first few tears fall he wraps his arms around you and pulls you into his chest. This only makes you cry harder, sobbing against his armor. Your arms stay wrapped around your center, while his hands remain completely still against your back, though firm. You don’t realize it immediately, but he’s holding a good portion of your weight up, you’d for sure collapse onto the floor otherwise. You kind of wish you would. Sitting on the floor felt nice, maybe falling down on it will feel even better.
You slowly start to regain your breathing, the well in your eyes drying up again. He waits for you to stop completely and slowly pulls back from you, hands momentarily still wavering next to you like he’s ready to catch you.
It takes you a minute to notice, but his helmet is locked on to the finger-shaped bruises on your forearm. You awkwardly move your opposite arm to cover them, looking around your apartment with nothing to search for.
He’s quiet for a long while, clearly thinking hard. “What happened?”
You sniffle, “Some asshole at my job.”
“Some asshole?” He doesn’t believe you. Rightfully so, but he has no business being able to tell that you’re lying about one single word in that sentence.
“My boss. Was very intent on successfully hitting on me.” You exhale deeply, “His approach could use some work though, if I’m honest.”
His posture remains statue-like. “Where do you work?”
You look at him straight on for the first time that night, “What does that matter?”
“I’ll take care of it.” He says simply.
You wave him off, “It’s fine.”
He waits a moment before letting you know, “I’m being polite by asking, I’m going to find out either way.”
You plop back down on the kitchen floor, knees to chest. “Well, then do it the hard way.”
About ten seconds of him staring down at you in silence go by, before he sits down next to you. It’s a bit funny how he tries to shrink himself down next to you, you’re assuming because he doesn’t want you to get panicked again because this massive stranger is sitting next to you in your kitchen in the dead of night.
You don’t look at him as he clicks his helmet off and sets it on the other side of him. It’s quiet for another minute when he holds his gloved hand out to you, and you’re not quite sure how you know what he wants, but you do. You place your bruised arm in his hand, letting him gently pull it closer to him and scan over it.
“Are you hurt anywhere else?”
Again, you don’t know how, but you can tell he’s asking how far things went. “I started screaming and it freaked him out. He let me go.” you say numbly.
You can see him nod out of the corner of your eye, bits of red making their way into your peripheral despite the discarded helmet. You turn slowly to look at him, finding him looking at you already.
His face is more covered than it had been the first night, the same black mask covers his eyes but the lower half of his face is also hidden by a red mouthpiece. You’re in the lamp light and closer to him than you had been before and you’re counting out specks of green in his blue eyes. He lets you, to your surprise, and when you run out of emerald hues you take focus on his thick, dark eyelashes. Your gaze moves back ever so slightly to make eye contact with him and you tear your eyes away, zeroing in on the kitchen tiles.
You sigh contemplatively, “I’m worried if you kill my boss it’ll be traced back to me and I’ll get pinned for it.”
He doesn’t laugh. But your delivery was a little dry in the wrong way so really it was on you.
“I’m not going to kill him.” he tells you, “I wouldn’t gamble with my pied-a-terre like that.”
Your head falls back, hitting the drawer behind you with a light thud. “Then why waste your time at all?” Maybe you should slow down with the snide comments.
He wants to, but he doesn’t call out the implied self-slighting in your words. “Maybe it’s a ‘me’ thing but I don’t particularly like men that hurt women.”
You let out a dry laugh. “In Gotham, it just might be.”
He sits with you on the linoleum tile of your kitchen until your eyes start to droop and he lightly corrals you to your bedroom before taking his exit through the window. You told him multiple times that he could go and you were fine, but he insisted that nothing important was happening in the city that time of night. You didn’t quite believe him though, because it was past midnight by the time he’d headed out.
When you showed up to work the following day your boss wasn’t there. Wasn’t there the day after either. Or the day after. He didn’t make an appearance again until the following Monday. And when he did show face, he did so with a neck brace and a cast on his leg. But once more, he absolutely refused to make eye contact or speak to any of the female employees. It actually became a whole thing when he wouldn’t give instructions or feedback to any of you, and insisted on having his secretary replaced with a man, who he then used as a middle man to speak to all of the women for him. HR got involved three times in the span of the next five days, and by the Monday after, he’d been fired.
So to recap: yes, no, no, undecided, and hard no.
Maybe you’re really starting to like this Red Hood guy.
Hard yes.
You’re slightly on guard upon hearing a clattering on the balcony, though if the past few weeks have been any indicator, you’re not in much danger.
Your posture slumps as you peer around the hallway corner, “Oh, it’s you.”
“Good to see you too.” he grumbles, dropping onto the floor.
“Well, I have to imagine I’m a step up from the last person you saw.” You say, looking him up and down, seeing what sure as hell looks like a gunshot wound on his chest armor. “What happened to you? The Mad Hatter uses guns now?”
He groans, “Ah, I said something about him being a heartless fuck, and I guess he took it personally.”
You sigh, “Jesus Christ, Hood.”
He waves you off, “It’s not that big of a deal.”
You scoff, “He tried to shoot you in the heart.”
“Yeah, well, he missed.” He grumbles, adjusting his position on the couch.
You exhale sharply, “How do you know?”
“How do I know?” He tilts his helmet at you, exasperated.
You throw your arms up at your side, “I don’t know! I’m not equipped for this scenario.”
He huffs, “Look, it’s fine, it hit my armor. It’ll probably just be a bad bruise.”
“Probably?”
“I don’t think there’s blood. Could you…” he vaguely gestures to his torso, but it's enough for you to get the hint.
You shake the panic out of your head, “Yeah, yeah, of course.”
You help him shrug off his jacket as he strips off his armor, and you lift his shirt up as slowly as you can in case the injury is worse than he thinks.
You’re not shocked to see that he has scars, that’s kind of a given in his line of work. What you are shocked to see is one very long scar that lines directly up the center of his body. It’s a deep scar, too.
And, oh. The long scar extends further, splitting off into a fork at his collar. That’s—oh. Oh. Oh. That is an autopsy scar.
You’re not sure what to do. You’ve never seen a living person with an autopsy scar—though you have to imagine neither have most people.
He clearly does not want to talk about it and you’re happy to let him keep the skeleton in the closet.
You avert your gaze back over to his diaphragm at the area of reddened skin.
“There’s no blood, but…” You inspect it a bit closer, “I think there’s going to be a bad bruise. You might end up with bruising on your ribs, you need to get that looked at.”
“I am.” He says shortly.
You stand up straight, dropping your shoulders. “By someone who went to medical school. Or has taken more than one anatomy class in their life.”
He yanks down his shirt, standing, apparently too quickly, and wobbling. You catch his arm as he sways, attempting to steady him. “You should sit down.”
“Need to go back out.” He grunts, trying to pull away from you with little force.
“To get killed? ‘Cause you’re going the right way about it.”
He tilts his head at you like he’s daring you to be so bold again. At least that's what it felt like. You sigh, gesturing to the couch, “Sit down.”
You didn’t expect it to work but he does as told.
You look around, unsure of what to do next. “Do you need ice?”
“What?”
“You’re hurt.” You say slower. “Do you need ice?”
He falters for a second, “No, it’s—no.” A couple beats pass before he adds, “Thanks, sweetheart.”
It’s impossible not to notice that he’s staring at you. You feel hot under his gaze, not knowing what to do with yourself. You clear your throat, telling him to hang on for a second.
You call out behind you as you walk to the kitchen, “Take your helmet off, it’s rude.” You grab the painkillers from their new easily-accessible place on the kitchen counter and grab a water bottle from the fridge.
It was a joke but when you come back his helmet is off and he’s just wearing his domino eye mask. His hair is extra tousled, the white streak barely visible in the mess of loose curls. You toss the bottle of meds at him, followed by the capped bottle of water. He catches them easily, downing more than he probably should have but he got shot tonight so you figure you’ll give him a break about it.
You plop down on the couch next to him, honestly closer than you’d meant to. Your knees and shoulders lightly brush against one anothers, though neither of you make any moves to scoot over.
You both look straight ahead at the wall, simmering in the amity. “So did somebody else deal with the Hatter or when you get shot do you just bounce back like a T-1000?”
He scoffs, “No, getting shot at is a bit of an inconvenience for me.”
“Wrong line of work.”
He cocks an eyebrow, “You’re telling me.”
You turn your head to him, “Why do you do it then?”
He looks back at you earnestly. “Someone has to.”
“Someone does.”
He tenses up a bit at that, breaking eye contact. “Not well enough.”
Your head slowly lulls and drops into a rest on his shoulder, causing him to stiffen up a bit more before almost completely relaxing.
“So violence is the answer to violence?” you ask, not argumentative, just genuinely musing.
Hood sighs, “Half-assed reform programs didn’t do anything, shitty ‘crisis interventions’ didn’t do anything, the cops sure as hell don’t do anything.” He shrugs under you. “You run out of options eventually.”
“And that’s why you took it upon yourself to intervene?”
“Mm. ‘When reason fails, the devil helps.’” He says, quite melodramatically, in your opinion.
“I-Is that—” you squint, shooting off of his shoulder to look him in the eye. “You spend your nights getting in street fights and shootouts and you spend your days reading Crime and Punishment of all things?” You gawk at him, “That explains a lot about your disposition.”
He shrugs with a shake of his head. “It’s a rough world. Can’t afford to be reading about Hogwarts.”
You pause, combing through your next words, “‘Man only likes to count his troubles; he doesn’t calculate his happiness.’”
His eyes crinkle under his mask as he smiles, clearly pleasantly surprised that you know your shit. “Touché.”
You grin back, pleased with yourself.
There’s a brief recession where your smiles both get caught in the flicker between on and off, where your eyes take the opportunity to scan over each other’s faces.
You realize that this may be the first time you’ve seen him properly smile and it’s so magnetizing. So much so that you don’t realize you’re staring at his lips until your eyes snap back up to his and find that his are on yours.
His eyes don’t leave yours as he nudges you a bit with his shoulder. It does just enough to break the trance, giving you the cue to rest your head on him again. This time you allow more of your weight to lean against him and he actually seems relaxed for once.
You glance at the clock on the wall without moving and realize it’s almost four in the morning. “I’m tired, Hood.” you mumble into his shirt.
“You don’t—” he falters for a moment, “You don’t have to call me that.”
You squint at him, “What should I call you then?”
He’s quiet for a moment. “J.”
“J?” you whisper, like it’s a grave secret. You guess it kind of is.
He nods.
“Okay.” Your cheek flattens against his shoulder. “J.”
You nearly think you’re imagining it when you feel him rest his head against yours.
“You don’t know how to protect yourself?”
You roll your eyes at him, “You saw the way I swung at you with the baseball bat, what do you think?”
It’s only just after sunset, you could still see some purple-pink hues in the sky if you looked out the window. He’s started showing up before patrol some nights, saying he felt bad about waking you up at 3 am multiple times a week. So now, he mostly only drops in late if he’s a manageable amount of injured.
You stand in the middle of your living room together, after you’d made a joke about needing him as a bodyguard in Gotham. As it turns out, that was a one way street to him finding out that you’re useless in a fight.
“I was hoping you were having an off night because you just woke up, but now I'm concerned.” He says, grimacing.
You shrug, “I carry pepper spray.”
He grumbles, displeased. “Put your hands up.”
You drop your head to the side and glower at him, “Really?”
He raises his eyebrows at you. Just do it.
Alright, you’ll humor him. You put your fists up and he holds his hands open in front of you in kind. You throw a light punch.
“Come on, put your weight behind it.”
You do, hitting his hand harder. “Hood—”
He tilts his head forward at that, looking at you through his brows.
You inhale impatiently, “J, Why do we have to do this? I don’t have any illusions that I could knock you out and I can’t imagine you do either.”
He shakes his head, “It’s not about knocking someone out, it’s about defending yourself. Gonna be a hell of a lot harder to hurt you if you’re throwing punches. Harder.”
You give a raised hum, “Not if they have a gun…”
“Well, we’ll work on that too.”
You groan, throwing a half-assed hit. “Where’d you learn to fight?” You ask before throwing another.
“Turn your body into it.” He corrects. “My, uh, my dad taught me.”
You hum, hitting him again. “Are you guys close?”
“You’re being nosy again.” He grunts amidst a hit.
“You’re being evasive again.” You shoot back.
He drops his hands, taking your wrists in his, “Here, put your hands in front of your face when you shoot so you can block counters.” He tells you, adjusting your stance accordingly.
You make a face, “I’m confused, am I fighting a mugger or a kickboxer?”
He ignores you, moving his hands around to give you different angles to hit at.
You go at it for a few minutes, taking his critiques with reluctant concedence. “Alright, that’s good.” He says, relaxing his body.
You perk up, “We’re done?”
“No,” he shuts you down before asking earnestly, “Do you trust me?”
Your brain hadn’t even fully processed the question before you nod, mumbling a ‘yes’. He takes a measured step closer to you, watching carefully for your reaction. You almost back up in surprise, angling your head up further to look at him properly. You give no objection, so he continues, “I want you to try to get me on the ground.”
You let out a sound that’s half-laugh, half-scoff. “You’re twice my size.”
He sighs, looking at you somberly. “Sweetheart, odds are you’re not going to be evenly matched against someone that wants to hurt you. You get ‘em on the ground ‘n you have the upper hand or it’ll give you time to get away.”
You throw your hands up at your sides, “I don’t—” You huff, “Fine, okay.” You try to trip him by sliding your leg behind his and kicking, but he blocks you expertly.
You, against better judgment, shove your shoulder into his side, though it does nothing to phase him, let alone knock him down.
“You gotta get more creative than that.” He chastises with a tut.
In response, you take a step back to reassess the situation. You try to maintain a poker face as you strategize in your head. You make a dive for his legs, wrapping your arms around the back of his legs and pulling hard to make him lose balance. You’re sure if he were actually trying for a damn you would immediately be done for afterwards, but it does make him wobble. You then throw all of your weight against him, pushing him backwards and causing him to hit the floor with a thud.
He probably allowed for gravity to come to your aid, but he lands on his back all the same. You land half on him, half on the carpet, your hand resting on his chest. He looks up at you nodding, “Good. That was good, sweetheart.”
You smile, quite proud of yourself, and start to stand up when he hooks his arm around the back of your knee and pulls you to the ground too, switching places with you. You hit the ground gently with a sigh, “Really?”
He has one hand rested next to your head to balance him in his place above you. He smirks down at you and lets a tussle of white hair hang over his forehead. “Can’t be getting cocky, sweetheart.”
You laugh sourly, “Coming from you?”
You quickly push at the bend of his arm and use the distraction to adjust your position to wrap your legs around his center and push your arm against his chest in an attempt to rotate him off of you.
He counters you by pushing your shoulder down, holding you down to the floor. His opposite hand flies to pull your forearm away from his chest, pinning it next to your head, careful to avoid your hair. He moves so quickly that you have half a mind to think he acted on pure instinct. That, and the look on his face when the dust settles says that he hadn’t intended for you to end up in this position.
Your legs are still wrapped around him and you’re too frozen in the moment to make any changes. He’s in no more of a rush to move, large frame towering over you. You feel his touch stutter against your shoulder, his eyes flickering across your face.
You gaze up at him, taking in the soft look in his eyes behind the mask. You think you can see more green than you did before. You unwrap your legs from around his waist and slowly start to sit up. He releases your wrist and eases the pressure on your shoulder. He leans back half as quickly as you move forward, stopping when you’re propped up on your elbows.
Your faces are only a few inches apart and it feels like your only option is to look down at his lips. You have a feeling he’s doing the same to you. The adrenaline of the hassle has long since faded but the rhythm in both of your chests remains quick.
He leans forward so barely, but it’s enough to make your breath hitch. “J…” you say breathily, not sure what implication you’re aiming for.
He stills and this time you’re sure he’s looking at your lips. He blinks a few times like he’s trying to come back to himself and inches his face away from yours slowly.
You let the hold in your breath release, disappointed more than anything. He eases off the floor to a stand and holds his hand out to help you up too. You take it with more of a frown than you’d meant to let out and rise to your feet.
“Let’s, uh…” He looks at the ground before taking a step back and putting his hands up again. “Let’s try some combos.”
You blink up at him for a second before raising your hands too.
Alright, one step at a time.
vol II
#jason todd loves this stranger#jason todd x reader#jason todd imagine#jason todd x you#red hood imagine#red hood x reader#red hood x you#jason todd fanfic#jason todd x y/n#jason todd/you#jason todd/reader#jason todd fanfiction#red hood fanfic#red hood fanfiction#dc x you#dc x reader#dc imagine#dc fanfic#dc fanfiction#jason todd loves his gf
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they were already incredibly suspicious to me, every last one of those supposed “professionals.” i think I’m more suspicious than I ever was now - somehow that was possible. I’m even more apprehensive, perhaps even fearful.
solidarity between people who want to take psychiatric meds to function and those who don’t.
What’s important is that we both have autonomy, informed consent and safe access to treatments we want, and to not be forced, coerced or pressured into those we don’t.
#yes yes yes#I feel so trapped right now - it seems I might be able to cancel the appointment and hopefully take nothing but if I’m unable to I think-#-that will be my final straw#horrifying for me. interacting with psychiatry at the age the body is at is traumatizing - traumatizing at any age though perhaps I’m being#-dramatic. I don’t think so though.#my experiences have been less than decent so far - for the most part#plus they tended to want me on medication out of simple stigmatized lenses#they were more concerned about the fact that I even experienced something such as supposed hallucinations (GASP) than my actual experiences#it’s difficult to word but I’ll speak more and hopefully organize my thoughts in a later post#psychiatry isn’t here to help it’s here to put everyone in a single file line - they mentioned me not being normal enough essentially#I’ll elduicate more in a later post#but I was forced and am being forced with the looming threat of long term hospitalization though I will hopefully be able to get out of it#that threat is now always hanging over my head#they forced me and it ended up fucking with a health condition I already have along with general side effects#the courts almost got involved while the impostor was trying to get me out of there because they didn’t want to release me#despite it being an unhelpful place just like every mental hospital. I feel even more ‘unsafe’ as they call it and tempted to run now.#I don’t trust the medicine I’m afraid of it and having threats held over my head it all felt sort of like mind rape - to be dramatic again#it doesn’t matter how much I express how afraid of them I am they don’t understand and I have other reasons besides my suspicion as to why#-I don’t wish to take them. the fact that the body can’t tolerate them for example. not wanting to be forced. the forcing makes me panic.#it’s mind rape. not to mention even despite the inability to tolerate he still wanted to try an antipsychotic down the line - which is not#going to happen. no medicine. I’m not trying anything. I’d be more open if there weren’t threats over my head and I weren’t being forced#but I don’t want any at all. I have my reasons - they want me to take it for medically induced suicide purposes as well - what I mentioned#earlier/ not being normal enough for their standards and being how they even on a subconscious level view me as a dirty schizo#who needs to be fixed so I don’t want them for that as well#I haven’t rambled about it much yet until now but it feels like mind rape to me even if that’s dramatic I don’t generally experience the#instinct to cry and still I cried multiple different times over this shit over being forcefully kept in a bad facility that wouldn’t even#give me my physical meds and did nothing for health conditions so the body dehydrated horribly and shit and some of the staff were pretty#rude too it was just a bad experience not as bad as lobotomy I know but I couldn’t stand it and being forced the threats all the threats#made sure to try and keep myself in check for that reason but the threats of long term if I wasn’t compliant enough I don’t want to be sent#away I want to be left alone I want freedom I want a break I want a hug (?) I want to be away from all impostors I want to disappear
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i love it when people are really really really committed to an aesthetic presentation not as in a beauty standards way but in a Slightly - Definitely Weird way
#it’s bc i am this way. once i realized i had the ability to control the aesthetics of myself and the places which i have dominion over#i immediately tried to cultivate them in a way that makes me happy. i put a lot of energy into it and i like that abt myself#i think the intentional cultivation of aesthetic bliss is a wonderful thing!!!#(when removed from the lense of Social Media and Beauty Standards etc etc)
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i should bust out the fisheye lens again
#imagine collecting a metric fuckton of lenses only to end up using a standard 50mm for an entire year#(that and the fact that a few years ago when i wore glasses i could not stnad the fov of a 50mm)
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